Dear William...

I hate the word unimaginable.

It’s what most people say when they refer to you. To our story. To any bereaved parent, really.

“It’s unimaginable”, they say. “I can’t imagine losing a child,” they say.

But try. Just try, I say to myself.

Because I don’t have to imagine it. I’ve already lost you. You are already dead. I no longer have to imagine it. I live it every single day.

If those people who call it unimaginable could just try for a second to imagine it - to imagine what it would be like for their child to be dead- maybe they would be more empathetic. Maybe there would be more support for grieving families. Maybe we wouldn’t feel so isolated in our grief. Maybe we wouldn’t feel guilty for ruining someone’s day when we mention our dead child. Maybe our dentists wouldn’t say, “oh that’s so sad, let’s not talk about that right now.” Maybe other people could sit beside us in the dark and say, “I’m here. Even though it’s hard, I’m right here. Let me imagine with you.”

I want to imagine that.

Love,

Mom

Willam in the Swiss Alps, 2017